by Katharine Hartnett
Jesus, the True, Pure, Merciful, Gracious, Holy, Lover of my Soul.
I have had a lot of different loves in this life including people, relationships, things, clothes, music, movies, hobbies, you name it. But deep down I always was searching for something more, for that true, pure, gracious love that only Jesus can give. No one and nothing else seemed to satisfy me, not ever! But I still am passionate about what God has blessed me with! God is so amazing in how he works things and brings us closer to him, and when God disciplines us through sanctification that’s real love, for he shows that he cares for us.
Before I really came to know the Lord I was seeking a fulfilling life through people and friends, wanting to fit in with the crowd and look cool, going out to parties, clubbing and drinking etc. Although I knew there was a God and kinda knew what I was doing wasn’t really good I still thought I could just let it slide and not worry about it yet (what people call procrastinating) and I wanted to do this because everyone else was, I thought it was the way to enjoy life since everyone is doing it! I also used to be an obsessive shopper and would waste my money buying lots of dresses from the clothing store Ally every weekend, but once I would get them, they felt like nothing. I still wasn’t satisfied and had to go buy more.
Only when I came to truly know Christ (when my eyes were opened) did I realize how many clothes I had built up and that I really didn’t need to have bought all of them, but I know it only happened because I didn’t have Jesus to fill that void in my heart beforehand. Only when I found Jesus did I end up throwing out a lot of clothes and giving to the more needy and now I hardly ever buy any new clothes anymore because of all the ones I’ve built up from years ago, so now I wear a poor man’s clothes. I also realized how skimpy all the dresses I used to wear were and now most of them, if I’ve kept them will be used as a top not a dress.
My friends thought I was a nutcase for not wanting to partake in these party/clubbing events anymore, since it’s what all young people do right? But the conviction I had upon my life was so strong it brought me to tears for I know it was the Holy Ghost convicting me of sin, and I know I had wronged God in every way and didn’t want to continue on the path of unrighteousness. I wanted to cease doing evil and start on the path of righteousness.
Psalm 119:11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.
After that I stopped going out and partying and started looking for good churches to fellowship in. I tried a Baptist church, 2 Pentecostal churches and 1 Church of Christ, all of which I still found were a bit off topic, I was really searching by now, and I wanted the truth, not some more jibber jabber. So by then I left the churches and started studying the word for myself with a few family bible studies at home and Paul Washer sermons which were really eye-opening and helpful, this is about the time I got born again.
Later I found out my Dad got a new job in Adelaide which meant we were going to be moving, this greatly grieved me. Even though I had changed my life and turned to God I still didn’t want to leave Perth, I would miss all my family, nephews and nieces. So I tried as hard as I could to stay in Perth. I did as much as I could in my own strength to stay, but God had bigger plans for me. No matter how hard I tried, I always failed. This really humbled me because it showed me that I must trust God’s will for my life, not my own. Proverbs 3:5-6
For a long time when I was still searching I kept praying to God to free me from the dens and workers of iniquity and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. I was really praying that God would bring some good faith filled Christians into my life, some people that were really seeking the truth too that I could fellowship with, I just didn’t know that these people would be in Adelaide. Only after we moved to Adelaide did I start to realize God’s plan for my life. I found some great faith filled believers to fellowship with in church and bible studies.
My dad also started finding people on the street when witnessing and bringing them home for bible studies at our house. It was satisfying to finally be able to find rest for my soul. God satisfied my soul with his word so I no longer craved these things of the world. God really answered my prayer and I know I am now in a much better place, even though I may not have a lot according to the world’s standards but I have much more in Christ Jesus who died for me and the life to come. Praise God!
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