New research has just come to light. It is definitive! Global warming is real! Research has proven that it is caused by the shape of the Earth. Since the Earth is flat the sun constantly radiates its energy onto the flat surface causing intense heating and boiling oceans. If the Earth wasn’t flat, if it was a rotating globe, the surface would have the sun’s heat distributed evenly over the surface reducing any solar heating effect.
The thermal heating effect of the sun circulating over the flat surface of the Earth causes intense boiling of the oceans resulting in a lot of water vapour. The water vapour becomes suspended in the atmosphere trapping more heat. This is a massive greenhouse effect, because water vapour is the worst greenhouse gas. It should be eliminated as I have discussed previously.
The discovery of the Flat Earth since the advent of the Internet has caused this problem. We know this, because before 1492 there was no Global Warming or boiling oceans. The oceans then were quite cool. Columbus sailed the Atlantic Ocean from Europe to the Americas 4 times when the Earth was a globe. His efforts opened the way for European exploration, exploitation, and colonization of the Americas. No ships fell of the edge of the Flat Earth then so that is further proof that the Earth was a globe at that time.
After 1492 others explored the globe Earth and sailed from England to Australia without feeling the Earth was too hot, nor did they notice any unusual weather even as they sailed around the Cape of Good Hope battered by the winds of the Roaring Forties. The Roaring Forties occur as warm air near the equator rises and moves toward the poles. On a globe Earth it reduces the temperature difference between the equator and at the poles created by uneven heating from the sun. But now that there is no South Pole on the newly discovered Flat Earth the warm air has nowhere to go and causes a lot of bad weather.
To tell you the truth, Global Warming and its nefarious cousin Climate Change only started in the 1990’s. That is when the Internet was fledging, and by the 2000’s the Global Warming effect was really being felt. But this coincided with the discovery of the fact that the Earth is actually a Flat disc and it is stationary in space. That is, it does not move.
About 400 years ago, conspiracy theorists like Nicholas Copernicus and Galileo Galilei started the idea that the Earth is a globe and moves in space around the sun. Also it rotates. We now know those ideas are false. Like many others in their day they believed the Earth was a globe. But we have learnt since the Internet, especially since YouTube began broadcasting, that the Earth is, in fact, flat. Around that time some suggested it was a flattened donut but that theory found little evidence to support it.
Now that we know that the Earth is flat and stationary we have been able to more accurately calculate global atmospheric temperatures, especially using satellites suspended with massive helium filled balloons. The results are unequivocal! Since the 1990’s the Flat Earth has been heating up, causing hurricanes and massive precipitation. Before the 1990’s this was unheard of.
The solution is simple. Return the Earth back to its globe shape and get it rotating again! Climate Change would stop immediately. This is because the sun’s energy would be more evenly spread over the rotating surface of the globe.
You ask, how could we do that? Easy! All the hot air generated by politicians all over the Flat Earth could be put to good use. Direct it into the centre of the Earth and re-inflate the globe. That should be a ‘no brainer’.
Another thing we could do, would be to destroy all the solar panels that as blackbody radiators are radiating thermal energy into the atmosphere, trapped by all the water vapour heating the planet. This would mitigate against Global Warming, though it would not help re-inflating the planet.
We should point all wind farm propellers in the same direction to get the Earth rotating again. That would be a beneficial use of those enormous propellers that are killing untold rare and endangered birds, fish and cetaceans. I suggest pointing them all to the Right as most of the politicians are all leaning to the Left already.
Then there is the need to invest heavily in Globe Earth technology. I have set up a “Restore the Earth to a Globe” foundation which will collect trillions of dollars in grants from all governments. Our foundation will restore the Earth to its original shape, a globe, and stop all the Climate Change problems. This can be done as soon as the foundation is given $10,000,000,000,000. That is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
This is satire.
Recommended Reading
- Book: Apocalypse Now: On the Revelation of Jesus Christ
- Book: Merchants of Death: Global Oligarchs and Their War On Humanity
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